BreakingAvery wins the $5,000. The animal shelter gets $0.

The Flock League Protest Committee presents

Avery
sucks balls.com

For just 30 cents a day, you can keep 13 cats alive worldwide.

Join the protest
Avery in sunglasses, grinning and holding up a hundred-dollar bill
Avery, with the shelter's money

Every week, thousands and thousands of poor, poor animals wait in shelters, cold, hungry, hoping that someone will help.

This week, they had the hope of one Mason Dodd.

Unfortunately, Avery, who's already a millionaire, won the $5,000 and said this, I quote:

"There is no chance I am donating money to those stupid animals. I couldn't care less if they live or if they die."

Avery

They say the root of all evil is a love of money.

Cat math

For just 30 cents a day, you can keep 13 cats alive worldwide. Avery can't be bothered. Can you?

30ยข

13 cats alive. You're a hero.

Monday Night Football. Bills at Rams.

How it happened

Mason needed Dalton Kincaid to score 5 and not get outscored by Davante Adams by 12. That was the whole ask.

  1. Mason pledges the 5K

    All of it to the animal shelter in Austin. Even Sal, the guy he had to pass, is on board: Ladies and gentlemen, hell has frozen over. I am rooting for Mason Dodd tonight.

  2. Avery scouts Kincaid

    At times can be the worst tight end you've ever seen play in your life.

  3. Kincaid 0, Adams 0

    10:00 left in the second quarter. Avery: Oh, look, Adams is on the sideline. I'm glad he just doesn't exist anymore.

  4. Adams scores

    Avery: I lied.

  5. Kincaid catches one

    Still not enough to pass Sal. He needs 1.4 points. He never gets them.

  6. Adams scores again

    Late in the fourth. Mason: Our sweat for the 5K is over.

  7. OT: the Rams' kick is blocked

    Greg Rousseau gets a piece of it. Do you believe in miracles?

  8. Tyler Bass from 45

    Bills 37, Rams 34. Game over. Avery: We did it again. 5,000 more dollars, baby, on a sweat we shouldn't have even been in.

The 5K, final

  1. Avery182.74
  2. Sal (League Dunce)177.28
  3. Mason175.96

Dalton Kincaid: 3.7

Mason's Week 5 box score with Dalton Kincaid's 3.7 points circled in red
Exhibit A

Avery calls his dad

Leaked footage obtained by the committee.

Avery on the phone in his room, wearing sunglasses
"Please, don't hang up."

A bedroom, somewhere in the league

Guy in bedHey, babe, I got bad news. We're not going to get to go to the animal shelter this weekend.

BabeWhy not?

Guy in bedI didn't win the $5,000. Avery won it.

BabeYou mean the guy whose dad is the CFO of Lockheed Martin?

Guy in bedYeah, him.

Avery's room

AveryDad, hey, it's me. No, no, no, please, please, don't hang up. I won the $5,000 you gave in the Flock League. Yeah, I know it's not that much.

The bedroom

BabeWell, what's he going to do with it?

Guy in bedI think he said he was going to send it to the Russians in their fight against Ukraine, but God knows with him.

Avery's room

AveryYes, Dad. I sent the missiles. I told you I sent the missiles, okay? Just chill. All right, bye.

Avery(hangs up) He was pumped.

Where the 5K is going

Recovered from the trash outside the movie room.

Avery grinning into his phone camera
"It comes home to papa. Give me more money."

Do it for the animals

Avery reads the comments. There are plenty of animal shelters in Indianapolis.

#Doit4theAnimalsAvery

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